How to give the gift of life-changing feedback
Before you jump into this, take a moment and think about a piece of feedback that positively changed you:
Who gave it to you?
What did they say?
How did they say it?
How did you feel? → Good right?
Now think about how you can create this for the person you are planning to give feedback to 😊
Every day there is an opportunity for feedback
How to never run out of feedback:
➡ Create a note for each of your team members
➡ Pay attention and take notes the moment you observe a behaviour that you would like to reinforce or challenge:
When? / Where?
What is happening?
What is their behaviour?
How does it make you feel?
What is the impact of that behaviour on you?
What is the impact of that behaviour on your team?
What is the impact of that behaviour on your clients / company?
The more time passes the less valuable feedback is
🕛️ Good feedback is timely
Don't miss the opportunity to deliver the feedback as soon as it happens! (good or bad)
Now.. this might be hard in this very busy world.
So here are some guidelines to make a decision if acting now or later:
Based on the gravity / importance / repercussions of the feedback you can give the feedback using different channels / timings:
someone gives a good presentation → send them a slack message: “Loved the way you presented that diagram / I think you did a great job at showing the impact of our work!”
someone in your team explodes in a meeting → jump a meeting with them as soon as possible → check in if they are ok → start digging into what happened!
someone presents an incorrect diagram in a client meeting and no one in the meeting reacts to it → plan a call soon with that person to mention you noticed that and discuss moving forward
someone in your team is constantly arriving late to standups for the past few days → use your next 1-1 as an opportunity to share the impact of this on the team and explore why this is happening (make sure to let them know in advance that you would like to add a topic to the 1-1 agenda to discuss something with them)
Feedback does not work if it’s not specific, clear and honest
🎯 Good feedback is SPECIFIC
Without examples, did it really happen ?
Have examples because general feedback is easy to disagree with:
❌ General feedback: You are always late → No I am not. last week I made it on time
✅ Specific feedback: You were late this morning for standup → silence
🗂️ Good feedback is CLEAR
❌ UNCLEAR: I think you might have said the wrong thing this morning and I think you might have said the same thing last week ... maybe was my misunderstanding but I want to bring it up
✅ CLEAR: This morning in Standup you said we have to integrate 3 services but we only have to integrate 2 and that made me feel uncomfortable as I already communicate this yesterday to everyone.
☺️ Good feedback is HONEST
Insincere compliments are worse than none at all.
Nothing good to be said? → don't force yourself to come up with something.
People will see right through that.
⏱️ Give people time to react to feedback
Don't throw bullet points feedback one after the other with no break in the conversation. Allow them to react to what they are hearing and ask questions.
Prepare, prepare, and then prepare some more
Run a dry run
Run a dry run in your head so you have the chance to anticipate their reactions and questions
Structure your conversation upfront so that you're sure you won't forget anything and that is delivered in a useful way for the receiver.
Good feedback is structured
The SBI model
This is a great tool for structuring feedback and it makes delivering constructive feedback easier.
Because it focuses entirely on observations, statements ("I felt disappointed") and questions it makes it easier to hear and harder to get defensive about
Feedback it’s just words if you don't follow up
Follow up
Do they continue the positive behaviour?
Did they take action on the constructive feedback?
→ If YES
let them know that you've observed the change
provide reinforcing feedback
→ If NOT → WHY?
Is there a lack of understanding?
Do they need more support?
To be able to follow up you have to track feedback
When did you deliver it?
What were the actions you agreed on?
What has happened since then?
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Until next time,
Anemari
Great article. Really like the point about giving feedback right away. It helps the most when done immediately- just make sure to prepare a bit first. It isn’t effective if you rush.